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No air...For so many years, no air...Trapped inside his own illusions, his own expectations, others' expectations, fooling himself every time...Always in search of a new life, always in search of the right choice, running away from home, from a world he thought was a traitor to him, running away from people, running away...Always changing his mind, always making plans, always starting something new, in the exaltation of a prison-breaker...only to find out it was a bad new start, a bad new plan, a bad everything...and falling, falling into the dark depth of his desert, angry as Hell, blaming himself, blaming the others, hurting himself...hurting the others...Always looking back...

And then he came back home...He was missing it so much he couldn't function anymore, he came back alone, no one followed him, no one... He was telling himself “I am OK with that, I am, the sea is all that I need”...He went to the beach wearing this really old pair of sneackers he had found in his mother's basement...He sat there for hours, contemplating the waves, thinking back on his life, wishing he could erase memories of the past forever, looking straight ahead, telling himself peace is everything that he wanted...He had his family, his old friends, all people who mattered to him so much and whom he had neglected all these years...They had always been there for him, cheering at all his new beginning, cheering at this new beginning...Cheering...
A little foam wave touched his feet...and he suddenly felt that those snickers were burning him, he just couldn't wear them anymore...He took them off and hanged them to the nearest lodge...What else was there left for him? The whole and the nothing...Barefoot...

November 5, 2007